Latest 200+ Funny Jokes In English 2018

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Funny Jokes In English : Hello Friends  Today I Will Share This Funny Jokes In English For Everyone. I Hope You Are Enjoying This Collection . That’s Why I Am Share With You This Collection Of Funny Jokes In English.

Funny Jokes In English

Funny Jokes In English

 

English Teacher: “One cute and young girl is walking
on the road.” Change this into an punjabi exclamatory sentence.
Sardar student:- “Oye,pataka !


Cute Girlfriend : My Heart Is Like Moble and You Like a Sim Card..!
Boyfriend : I Am Very Happy.!
Girlfriend :don’t Be Too Happy..
if I Get a New Offer , I Will Change the Sim Card..!


Q: How do you recognize Santa’s son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.


Maths Teacher : What Is A Line?
Santa : A Line Is A Dot That’s Going For A Walk.
Teacher : Then What Is A Parallel Line?
Santa : A Dot Is Going For A Walk With His Girl Friend.


Class Room is Like a Train
1st Two Benches r Reserved For VIP . .
Next Two Benches r General coach
Then
Last Two Benches r Vry Demanded.
:
:
Bcz Its SLEEPER COACH..!! They are always Reserved for Topper in Dreams Only.


Santa: Madam, Can I Go To The Bathroom?
Madam corrected that wrong sentence: May I Go To The Bathroom?
Santa: But I Asked First.


During a job interview :
Boss : What’s the highest level of education you obtained?
Candidate : PHD
Boss : Great! So that means you have a Doctor degree …
Candidate : Wellll, No… That means
Passed Highschool with Difficulties (P.H.D.)


Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa?
Johnny: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Africa.


Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u’ll die.
Santa: U’ll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform?


Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon
reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call


Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman


Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in m! edical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?”
Santa: He’s not studying, they are studying him!


Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? ”
A: Santa bola, “Pehle date of birth to batao.”


A man in Hell asked Devil : Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making call he asked How much pay…
Devil : Nothing, hell to hell is free…!


Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.


Santa bought split AC.
He installed outdoor unit in room and indoor unit on Roof because he thought-
outdoor unit has Big Fan to provide much air to room.


Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion’s cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn’t say he got out.


Teacher : Are You Sleeping in My Class..?
Student : No,uh,a Bug Flew in My Eye and I am Trying to Suffocate It.


Two Commerce Students talking…
Appu : Oh ! Sorry yaar,I heard about your breakup. Is it true?
Pappu: Yup!
Appu : You must be sad na.. ….
Pappu : No yaar ! We are commerce students! I have kept 1 Girlfriend as reserved for doubtful
debts.


Diagram in book was not clear..
So, Madam drew diagram on blackboard and announced…
“Don‘t look at Book Figure, Look at my Figure!”
It is Bold and Clear – a student said.


Husband asks : Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means…
Without Information, Fighting Everytime !!
WIFE says : No darling , it means
With Idiot For Ever


What is the English movie name for Karvachauth?
.
.
.
‘Fast and Furious’… One day Fast, 364 days Furious


Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I breathe
a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash ?


Height of Good Luck
Teacher : Hey you, Stand Up and tell me two pronouns ?
Student : Who, Me ?
Teacher : Very good, Sit down
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


When somebody who is deeply
in Love with you tells that
You are
cute, beautiful, & angelic, talented
I agree. That’s true,
Believe me, I swear because love is definitely blind


Bus conductor: Why are taking 2 tickets?
Santa : Because if I lose 1 that 2 ticket will save me.
Conductor: what if you lose both?
Santa : Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!


Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next…
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.


Santa went to battery shop n asked to change battery.
The shopkeep! er asked: Exide laga du?
Santa: Dusri side tera baap lagayega kya?


Teacher : Give a good example of “organization has power”
Student : Sir, when a cigarette puts in pocket, it breaks down
While keeping a complete packet, it stays hard
The teacher is still in coma

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


Teacher : Tell a good example of import and export ?
Students : Sonia and Sania
Teacher : Where are your steps ?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


Banta: Marte waqt aadmi ko kya dena chahiye?
Santa: Birla cement.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Kyunki is Cement mein jaan hai.


Preeto: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye the.
Banta: Kya bataoon, sub galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle,
aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.


SLAM BOOK filled by Santa.

1.Strength: My wife, Jeeto.
2.Weakness: Banta’s wife, Preeto.
3.Oppurtunity: When Banta is on tour.
4.Threat: When I am on tour!!!


Your network tariff has changed!
Call charges are now calculated
according to brain size.
The smaller the cheaper!
Congrats You can make free calls!


Taste this Jokes
Did u feel da taste of ginger?
No?
Sure?
Well…..
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD!!


The Sun makes moon shine
Curent makes bulbs shine
Wax makes candles shine But
I’m really confused.
Wat makes u shine?
Is it Harpic or Domex…..jokes in english for friend


Chemistry teacher : Do you know Avogadro’s Number?
Student : Avogadro was a boy or a girl ?
Teacher : Boy
Student : Sorry, I do not have a number of boys
The teacher resigns the same day

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!


God saw u Hungry,he created Pizza
He saw u thirsty,he created Pepsi
He saw u in dark, he created light
he saw me without Problem, he created U


Teacher at a ceremony asks all the students
“Your bitter experience in this college”
Speak a student
“I and my wife met in this college


Jazzy: My father is pregnant, I will soon have brother.
Teacher: How can it be? It is not possible.
Jazzy: My mother had abdominal pain last month,
than i got a little sister, now my father is undergoing the same pain.!!!


Boss hangs a poster in office(jokes)
‘I am the boss, dont forget’
He returns from lunch,
finds a slip on his desk,
‘ur wife called, she wants her poster back home..!!’


What? Is A Difference Between
A Kiss, A Car And A Monkey?
A Kiss Is So Dear,?
A Car Is Too Dear And
A Monkey Is U Dear.


You are many kilometres away frm me.
Bt still I’m watching ur every move thru
3 different channels
1.pogo
2.cartoon network
3.Animal Planet.


Have You Every Noticed That a Women’s “I Will Be Ready in 5 Minutes”
and Man’s, ” I Will Be Home in 5 Minutes” Are Exactly the Same…!
A Man and a Women Are Propotional to Each Other…!


Two student were chatting:
First: Do you know what is snake’s favorite subject?
second:, no, you tell.
first: Hisssstory!!!


No teacher was in the class and
There so much noice in class room
Principal came and asked in anger
Whose period is running….
5 girls stood up and said, Sir, ours


Understanding A Girl
This Is Like Downloading A 2 GB File.
At The Speed Of 20kbps.
Which Ends Up..
In A Error At 99% Completed…


TEACHER : Pappu, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
.
PAPPU : No sir, I don’t have to, my Mother is good cock.


TEACHER : Pappu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you
copy this ?
PAPPU : No, Teacher, it’s the same Dog.


Dèar Friènds, birth and dèath are controlled by Lord GOD
Smartphone n tv remote are only controlled by us
Do whatèver you love to do


At late night wife’s smartphone beeps. Husband check her mobile and gets angry.
He wakens his wife.
Husband (angrily): who is this person saying beautiful???
Surprised wife check her mobile.
Wife (double angrily): heyyy… use your spectacles.
It is not beautiful. It is battery full.


 

 

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